Finding Peace in Turbulent Times - Personal Peace

Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling

The beginning of the New Year holds great significance for many of us.  Like a big reset button on the calendar, that bright and shiny January 1 date can offer the promise of starting fresh, making positive life changes, moving towards a new goal with determination.  Some of us make New Year’s resolutions.  Some of us might even keep them.  Yet statistics show that resolution-keepers are in the minority. According to a recent US News and World Report, 

“ The failure rate for New Year's resolutions is said to be an estimated 80% with most people losing their resolve and motivation just weeks later in mid-February,”  (Hayworth, 2026).

80%? Those are some pretty tough odds.  

Thankfully, this year I didn’t make a resolution.  I decided to set an intention instead.  During a community practice at the beginning of the month, people were invited to come forward, reach into a basket and draw out a star with a word written on it.  Whatever that word was, we were asked to consider what it would mean for that word to serve as a personal guide for the year ahead. Closing my eyes, I reached in, ruffled my hand around a little, and pulled out a paper star with one word written in the middle:

peace

“Peace- OK,” I thought to myself.  “That shouldn’t be too hard to practice.”

And I walked forward with my bright yellow peace star into the news blitz week of January 6, 2026.

It’s been a lot harder to focus on peace over the past few weeks than I thought it would be.  In a month that in some ways feels longer than any other in recent memory, I’ve found myself admitting that I went into this whole peace thing with a far bigger ego than I realized.  

As a wife and mom of 3, I’d navigated a lot of family conflict over the years, so I thought- “I’ve got this.” 

As a therapist working with individuals, families and couples to find, nurture, and repair peace, I thought- “I can do this.”  

But as an American citizen watching worsening events unfurl in the news each day- events full of anger, violence, and division, my confidence has been shaken.  With inner alarm bells ringing on a daily basis from each new headline, I’ve been stuck between either wanting to avoid the news altogether or endlessly doomscrolling.

How do we find peace when it feels like the world is on fire? 

The power of perspective

The older I get, the more I’ve learned that there are pivotal moments in life when we’re forced to take a pause and re-calibrate. Moments when we accept that we’re stuck emotionally and that we need a new map to follow. This month has marked one of those pivotal moments for me.  My peace star was supposed to be my compass, but the path forward is one that I’ve never encountered before. I’ve been stuck in anxiety, needing to zoom out for a wider view.  Somehow I needed to re-think the word “peace” and what it meant to move towards that value in a world that was anything but peaceful.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this process of zooming out is called “Cognitive Defusion”.  Used to help manage distressing emotions, 

“Cognitive defusion plays a vital role in building emotional resilience because it changes the way we relate to our internal experiences. Instead of being overwhelmed by difficult thoughts and emotions, defusion equips us with the psychological flexibility to move through life’s challenges with steadiness and self-awareness,” (Daniel, 2025).

Realizing I was overwhelmed, I remembered to pause. When I took a breath and took a step back from my anxiety, I began to see “peace” in a bigger, broader way- one that still felt relevant even in our country’s current situation. 

Greg Levoy writes, “Up close, you see only the trees. From a distance, you see the forest. Or as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.” And the same goes for the psyche,” (Levoy, 2023)

 Looking out from this wider lens, I had an epiphany: 

What if peace was less about feeling “peace because of” and more about finding “peace in spite of?”  

Less like the calm sea on a sunny day fantasy and more like the anchor in the stormy dark waves of reality?

What if peace had to begin with me?

There’s a song I learned as a child that talks about this:

“Let there be peace on earth, 

and let it begin with me;

Let there be peace on earth,

The peace that was meant to be”

Somehow I’ve found myself humming this tune a lot as I’ve tried to take in this new view.  Finding this reframe has felt like discovering a doorway from a tiny, low-ceilinged room into a tall, open atrium.  I can breathe and move around a little more easily, feeling at times almost…. peaceful. I feel steadier now, and I can see more choices ahead. 

This epiphany highlights one of the core concepts of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: psychological flexibility. 

“Psychological flexibility is like learning how to paddle your boat effectively, regardless of the conditions that are ever changing and out of your control. It’s what allows us to stay engaged with the things that matter most, even when the water gets choppy,” (Redner, 2025).

Letting peace begin with me has become my daily practice- a flexible, ever changing one that helps me find stability no matter what pops up on my news feed.  When so much of what is happening leaves me feeling powerless, personal peace is something I can choose, in small intentional ways and tangible actions every day. 

Peace In Practice:

We all have our personal peace practices. These are the things we find ourselves reaching out for when we need comfort in times of inner turmoil.  A soft blanket.  A scented candle.  A hug. A quiet walk in nature. A conversation with a supportive loved one. The fellowship of a faith community. These small practices can help re-center and re-connect with a sense of calm and clarity when we feel overwhelmed. 

Other suggestions:

• Peace Online: Set a timer when you go on your phone to read the news or go on social media.  Tune into your emotions as you engage with the content, noticing when the inner shift happens from calm to anxious, from peaceful to turbulent. Stop the timer at that moment, and note the length- this is your current capacity limit, your re-set point and signal to put the phone aside and re-engage in the present moment.  Re-connecting with your senses and your surroundings to regulate your emotions and restore your personal peace. 

• Peace List:- Take a few moments to think about what feels comforting when you feel your inner storms start to rise, and make a list of what helps to soothe your spirit in those moments.  Post the list somewhere visible and easily accessible to reference in moments of dysregulation.  This practice can be especially helpful as a family activity, encouraging each member to make their own list and share it with each other, noting practices that can be done at home, at school, or at work.

• Peace Practice: Breath prayer/meditation

Regulating the breath is a powerful and immediate way to regulate emotion, reducing the adrenaline response and restoring inner balance. 

1. Find Stillness: Sit or lie comfortably, close your eyes, and take a few deep, slow breaths to center yourself.

2. Choose Your Phrase: Select a short phrase, typically two parts, that resonates with your spiritual tradition or current need.

3.  Repeat & Focus: Continue for several minutes, gently bringing your focus back to the phrase and breath if your mind wanders.

Example: 

Part 1 (Inhale): a source of comfort or concept of receiving- “Source of peace”

Part 2 (Exhale): a need or release- “give me strength”,  “release my fears”, 

Synchronize Breath & Words:

• Inhale (slowly through the nose) saying the first part of your phrase.

• Exhale (slowly through the mouth) saying the second part.

Peace in Music:

Peaceful music means something different to different people.  Lower volume, slower rhythms, gentle sounds, all help to regulate the nervous system and lower the stress response.  Soft instrumental music or vocals with soothing or uplifting lyrics. Create a peace playlist that can be played in the car, before you go to sleep- anytime you need to slow down your breathing and restore your sense of calm. 

Listen: By Love, And by Beauty- Kim Robertson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGgwhpV2gEo

Wherever, and however you find your peace, know that you are not alone on the journey, and know that even the smallest step can make a big difference.  In a time when peace feels fragile and out of reach, we can cultivate that light within ourselves that can guide our path, and serve as a light for others. 

“There is no path to peace.  Peace is the path.”

• Ghandi

Resources:

Daniel, E. (2025, May 15). Embracing cognitive defusion for emotional resilience. The Harvest Clinic. https://www.harvestclinic.com.au/post/embracing-cognitive-defusion-for-emotional-resilience 

Hayworth, J. (2026, January 10). Struggling to keep your New Year’s resolutions? Here’s how to keep yourself on track. ABC News. https://abcnews.go.com/US/struggling-new-years-resolutions-track/story?id=96173041#:~:text=According%20to%20research%2C%20Rook%20Williams,the%20drain%20on%20January%202nd.%22 

Levoy, G. (2023, February 28). Zooming out: The power of putting things in perspective. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passion/202302/zooming-out-the-power-of-putting-things-in-perspective 

Redner, S. (2025, January 23). Cultivating psychological flexibility with acceptance and commitment therapy. Inner Becoming. https://www.innerbecoming.com/blog/psychological-flexibility

Autumn’s Invitation

Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling

Nature has a way of mirroring the human experience, and Autumn’s unfolding offers a rich opportunity for slowing down and seeing life in a richer, clearer light.  We can find wonder and reverence in taking a walk on a wooded path- looking up, reflecting on life’s cyclical nature of beginnings and endings. 

From the first tips of crimson painting the leaves, 

to the trees igniting with brilliant oranges, rusts, and golds, 

to the final days when leaves crunch underfoot and the branches are bare-

Fall illustrates transition in real time- the turning, the peaking and the letting go.  

The “both-and” feeling to this deeper awareness can be captured by the word “bittersweet”.  We feel a sense of joy and celebration through fall festivals, apple picking and everything “pumpkin spice”- and we feel a sense of loss at how quickly the season ends. With every falling leaf we are reminded that time is fleeting, and that winter is coming. 

Carrie Newcomber captures this inner knowing well:

“The end of October is filled to the brim with the ache of all that is passing and the outrageous joy of what is gloriously alive”.

Autumn invites us to take stock, to honor these feelings, and to ponder the deeper questions:

What is most vibrant in my life at this time? What brings me outrageous joy or fulfillment?

Where do I sense time passing too quickly? Where can I slow down and savor the moment?

What is in the process of turning?  What season shift am I called to acknowledge, grieve, or honor? 

What might I need to let go of to allow for new growth in life’s next season?

Nature has a lot to teach us if we slow down enough to listen. Autumn invites us to see the bigger picture- zooming out from our everyday hustle into a wider view of awareness. Asking the deeper questions can uncover the timeless gift of inner wisdom, where both-and feelings of joy and loss can be explored and life’s changing seasons can be savored. 

from Fall Song- by Mary Oliver

I try to remember when time’s measure
painfully chafes, for instance when autumn

flares out at the last, boisterous and like us longing
to stay – how everything lives, shifting

from one bright vision to another, forever
in these momentary pastures.

References:

https://carrienewcomer.substack.com/p/the-love-that-holds-together-all

Oliver, M. (2004). New and Selected Poems (Vol. 1). Beacon Press; Boston, MA. 

Slowing the Pace - 5 tempo shifts to ease the summer’s-end blues

Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling

August is almost over and the signs of summer ending are all around: school buses on the roads, “Back to School” ads, fall displays in stores (Halloween already?), and the underlying thrum of busyness that accompanies this time of year.  The end-of-summer blues can be a real challenge as the season winds down- for parents, for kids, for anyone who feels overworked and overextended, looking at vacation time in the rearview mirror and already wishing for the next chance to get away.

If these statements resonate with you, you’re invited to do a little experiment:

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let it out.  Let your thoughts wander to the last time you were able to really relax. Bring to mind what that time looked like, smelled like, tasted like, or felt like.  

You might hear the crash of waves, smell delicious food, feel a gentle breeze on your skin, taste the cool sweetness of ice cream on your tongue, or see a beautiful sunset filling the sky with streaks of color.  As you settle into this memory, think about the pace of things during that relaxing time.  What rhythm do you remember keeping during the days and nights when you were able to get away from it all? Or even if you were home enjoying a “stay-cation”, what did you notice during that break from routine?  Maybe there were moments of stillness, of open time where less was planned, and more room was left for living in the moment. You might remember less conflict, more meaningful connection with loved ones, a feeling of flexibility or flow, or a sense of internal balance being restored.  Chances are, this gentler rhythm allowed for more creativity, more rest, and (dare I say) even a little boredom.  

Chances are, you allowed yourself to slow down.

Now, bring to mind what it felt like to come back to reality afterwards. Were you able to continue that sense of ease in your daily rhythm?  Or did you do what most of us do post-vacation:  launch right back into a frenzied pace with long work hours, packed schedules, and too much on your to-do list?

In music, a frenzied pace is called “presto”, and it’s one of the fastest tempo markings a song can have.  “Presto” can be equated to a sprint- where the notes rush by so quickly that they are almost impossible to play.  In the busy D.C. metro area, “presto” living seems to be the norm rather than the exception. Phrases like “rat race” and  “hamster wheel” are often used by my clients to describe their busy lives, and many struggle with anxiety, burnout, and a chronic sense of fatigue. It seems they are in good company.  In a July 2025 report comparing the stress levels of major American cities, Washington D.C. scored the 5th highest for average weekly work hours and received an overall stress ranking of 34 out of the 182 cities surveyed. 

High stress levels caused by a rushed life tempo can negatively impact physical health, mental balance and the ability to enjoy the positive things in life. By contrast, there are multiple benefits to slowing down, including reduced stress levels and increased mindfulness and connectedness. In musical terms, this slow down is called “ritardando”- pulling back from a faster pace and taking more time on each note instead of rushing to the end of the phrase. If “presto” is our work pace, then “ritardando” is our summer vacation pace- the slowed-down feeling that we wish could last throughout the year. 

While most of us don’t have the luxury of being on an endless vacation, we do have the power to mindfully set the pace of our lives.  And harnessing the power of tempo can make a big difference in protecting against burnout, overwhelm, and exhaustion.

Here are 5 small tempo shifts to help make that summertime “peaceful, easy feeling”  a year-long practice, and manage the summer’s-end blues: 

1. Wake up 15-30 minutes earlier to allow for a slower morning pace. Make time to ease into the day with a cup of coffee or tea and some quiet moments, rather than rushing out of bed feeling stressed out from the day’s start. 

2. Create breathing space in your daily schedule- allowing 10-15 minute breaks between appointments or activities to help ease transitions and give your mind and body time to reset.

3. Allow for at least 1 hour of intentional unplugged time each day- making space for mental rest where you can be flexible and fully present- doing whatever feels right in the moment.

4. Resist the urge to pack the weekend calendar with back-to-back activities.  Block off one morning, afternoon, or evening for free time at home to avoid over-packing your schedule- prioritizing relaxation over rushing around. This practice can be especially helpful for families managing a variety of different temperaments and inner tempo needs. 

5. Embrace the power of a “less is more” approach to calendar planning.  Less rushing and less busyness means more time for rest, recharge, and enjoying what really matters. We live in an area with so many options and opportunities, but sometimes the best option is choosing quality over quantity. 

The end of August can be a tough time, when vacations are over and summer break comes to an end. Most of us experience a letdown going back to work or back to school after enjoying some time away from the rat race. Slowing down the pace of your life won’t make the warm, long days of summer last forever. But choosing moments of ritardando over presto can make a big difference in reducing stress and improving wellbeing- creating a slower, sustainable tempo that brings rest and renewal to every season. 

References

McCann, A. (2025, July 7). Most and least stressed cities in America. WalletHub. https://wallethub.com/edu/most-least-stressed-cities/22759

Sreenivasan, S., & Weinberger, L. (2022, August 17). The price of rushing around. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/202208/the-price-rushing-around

Taylor, S. (2024, July 20). The benefits of living more slowly. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-of-the-darkness/202407/living-slowly

Pride All Year : Supporting LGBTQ+ Mental Health

Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling

June 28, 1970 marked the first Gay Pride Liberation marches, and in 1999, Bill Clinton officially designated June to be Pride Month in the United States. Thanks to this commemoration, June has become a month of rainbows and celebrations, Pride marches and merchandise promotions, and public support from corporations and businesses willing to risk open advocacy despite the recent shutdown of DEI initiatives. 

Sadly, despite these efforts to lift up the LGTBTQ+ community, evidence shows that members of this minority group are at a higher risk of experiencing mental health conditions, specifically anxiety and depression.  According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, LGBTQ+ adults are more than twice as likely as heterosexual adults to experience mental health challenges, and transgender individuals are nearly four times as likely as cisgender individuals to experience a mental health condition. Even more concerning are the findings of a study in 2024 reporting that states who passed anti-transgender laws aimed at minors saw suicide attempts by transgender and gender nonconforming teenagers increase by as much as 72% in the following years. And as we move into the final days of Pride month, this past week’s headlines revealed the shocking news that due to proposed 2026 budget cuts, the 988 National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline will stop providing tailored support options to LGBTQ+ youth and young adults beginning on July 17. 

As the mom of a trans kid and a LGBTQ+ ally, it’s hard to not feel overwhelmed and deeply discouraged by the rollback of support and resources specifically targeting the LGBTQ+ community.  But it is precisely in this challenging time that the greatest advocacy for mental health is needed. Whether in big or small ways, we can all take action to ensure that real Pride- a consciousness of one’s own dignity and self-respect - is possible for each member of the LGBTQ+ community through mental health support.

5 ways you can help care for LGBTQ+ mental health in your family and community:

Be there

Check on your LGBTQ+ loved ones- ask them how they’re doing and offer a safe space for them to feel listened to and validated.  Use reflective listening instead of offering advice, especially if you are not a part of the community.  We can never fully understand the experience of another person, but we can validate their feelings, ask them what they need, and let them know they are loved.

Speak up

If you notice signs of withdrawal, depression, or anxiety, say something.  Let them know you’re concerned and ask what sources of support they have available.  Do they have supportive family members or friends who they can talk to? Are they currently seeing a therapist or other mental health care professional?  Let them know you will be there, and if you feel overwhelmed, reach out for help.  You don’t have to have all the answers, but you can walk with them through finding sources of strength and healing. 

Seek help

The Trevor Project provides a wealth of resources for the LGBTQ+ community, and can be a first stop in reaching out for mental health support.  Following the 2024 elections, this organization experienced a nearly 700% increase in volume across their crisis services. Offering support through text, calls, and chats, their counselors are available 24/7, 365 days a year, and their services are 100% confidential and free of charge.  Share this resource with a LGBTQ+ friend in need or a family member who is struggling to let them know they are not alone and that they can always reach out for help whenever needed.  https://www.thetrevorproject.org/crisis-services/

Show Support

Whether you fly a rainbow flag in your yard, post an affirming message on your social media, mount an ally bumper sticker on your car, or wear pro-LGBTQ+ clothing or accessories, each of these small acts shows support in meaningful ways. Listing your pronouns on your social media profiles and personal and professional email signatures is another small step that makes a big impact in validating gender inclusiveness.  If you are a business owner, posting an inclusive and affirming message on your website lets potential customers know they are valued and that their identity will be recognized. This visible act of welcome is especially important for faith communities, as an acknowledgment of the religious trauma that many LGBTQ+ have experienced and a sign of spiritual safety. 

Advocate

There are countless ways to advocate for LGBTQ+ rights- both publicly and privately.  PFLAG has an extensive list of ways to advocate for LGBTQ+ justice, equity and inclusion (https://shorturl.at/HGfrr).

Not everyone feels comfortable being a public activist through attending marches, protests, or rallies.  Being an advocate can also mean contacting representatives through organizations like the ACLU (https://action.aclu.org/send-message/protect-trans-care-now), supporting pro-LGBTQ+ political candidates, or having one on one conversations that broaden perspectives and dispel misinformation through shared stories and personal connection.

When speaking about Pride, Michaela Jaé Rodriguez explains, “This month I think of as a celebration, as a time for us to just be happy and to live. But I always think about the work afterwards and how long it’s going to take, and I think that’s not only up to the LGBTQAI youth and LGBTQAI+ individuals, but it’s up to our allies, too.”  Whether in big or small ways, we can all play a part in lifting up the community through supporting LGBTQ+ mental health and wellness.  Pride month might be over soon, but its purpose is ongoing.  The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness should last all year long. 

Sources: 

Devi Shastri. (2025, June 18). 988 hotline removing LGBTQ+ youth support next month. AP News. https://apnews.com/article/988-lgbtq-suicide-prevention-hotline-trump-382342828b381b6a32964f09fe9aa59c

Kacala, A. (2022, June 20). “Pose” star Michaela Jaé Rodriguez opens up about breaking boundaries on TV and in music. TODAY.com. https://www.today.com/popculture/popculture/michaela-jae-rodriguez-interview-rcna34384

Merriam-Webster. (2019). Definition of pride. In Merriam-webster.com. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pride

National Alliance on Mental Illness. (2024). LGBTQ+. NAMI. https://www.nami.org/your-journey/identity-and-cultural-dimensions/lgbtq/

Simmons-Duffin, S. (2024, September 26). More trans teens attempted suicide after states passed anti-trans laws, a study shows. NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/09/25/nx-s1-5127347/more-trans-teens-attempted-suicide-after-states-passed-anti-trans-laws-a-study-shows

The Trevor Project. (2025, February 5). Finding Support & Building Community Amid Political Uncertainty. The Trevor Project. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/finding-support-building-community-amid-political-uncertainty/

Defying Gravity- The Power of Letting Go

Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling

Chances are, if you’re a movie or theater fan, you’ve encountered Elphaba’s iconic song either in a live performance or on the big screen in Wicked sometime over the past year.  You might even have belted it out at the top of your lungs in the shower or in your car, like I’ve done on many long family road trips over the years.  

If you’re not familiar with “Defying Gravity”, the lyrics are a powerful example of finding inner strength and choosing to rise above the weight of adversity:

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

While these words speak to a turning point in Elphaba’s identity and life story, they also hold meaning for anyone feeling weighed down by negative circumstances or painful emotions. Feelings of sadness, helplessness or uncertainty can feel like heavy burdens- ones that can lead to longer term depression or anxiety if they are held onto for too long. Work stress, family responsibilities, conflict, the death of a loved one,  job uncertainty- we all have seasons that feel heavier than others. How can we defy gravity in these times?

Sometimes defying gravity starts with taking a quiet moment to pause and reflect on what is really going on inside.  Self-reflection can provide clarity and a sense of release, opening up new possibilities.  If you’re feeling pulled down, try asking yourself these questions:

• Who is one person I can reach out to that will help me unburden these heavy feelings?

• What is one thing on my calendar that I can let go of to lighten my load?

• Is there a belief I’m holding onto that is creating internal pressure and emotional heaviness? (I have to make others happy, I have to be perfect, I should be able to handle this alone, etc.) Can I practice letting go of this belief and embrace another life-giving statement instead?  

At other times,  it might be hard to even know what is weighing us down, and we need an outside perspective to help us defy gravity. Working with a therapist can help identify hidden burdens, bringing a broader perspective that provides release, insight, and creative solutions.  If you are struggling with feeling pulled down, know that you are not alone and that you don’t have to struggle alone.  Life is a mixture of light and dark moments, but we all have the ability to build inner strength and rise above challenging circumstances.  

Everyone deserves the chance to fly.

Youtube link to “Defying Gravity”

Ready for Spring : Three tips for renewal in a stressful season

Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling

March is here- and by this time of year, most of us are ready for winter to be over. We’re done with the cold and the darkness and we’re ready for some warmth and sunshine.  

We’re ready for a change of season. 

But even as we yearn for brighter days, in March we find ourselves stuck in a month of transition. Stuck in a time of almost, but not yet with temperatures rising and then falling back down again. 

Longing for spring, but feeling like it’s still so far away.

Life can be like that too.

For many of us, chronic stress can feel like an endless winter of the spirit.  We can feel overwhelmed by change, riding roller coasters of emotion due to

Job loss or uncertainty

Relationship struggles

Political overwhelm

Work or school pressures

The loss of a loved one

Change and transition

In her book, Wintering, Katherine May writes: 

“When you start tuning into winter, you realize that we live through a thousand winters in our lives- some big, some small.” (p. 95).

Whichever winter you still find yourself in this month, chances are you might be longing for some renewal- some way to take one step into that change of season- moving from darkness to light.

What comes to mind when you think about the word "renewal"?

 Is it a week-long retreat?  A dream vacation? A chance to get away from it all? 

While escape might be our first option for re-set, we aren’t always able to leave our present situation. So how do we find renewal in smaller ways?  How do we find the “new” in the midst of everyday stress?

.

The 3 R's of Renewal:

Re-frame- 

By using intentional language to describe our present circumstances, phrases like “in this season”, and “for now” can empower us to see beyond our struggles to the promise of brighter days. By framing our story as temporary, we can remind ourselves that winter doesn’t last forever. By changing the way we think about our present circumstances, we can build new perspectives, shift our stories, and experience both acceptance and hope for coming change.

Re-vive- 

When we feel stuck, reviving sources of self-care can feel like opening a window and letting a breath of fresh air into a dark, stuffy room. Taking daily walks, making art, listening to music, practicing mindfulness, re-visiting an old hobby or activity that honors body and spirit.  Any creative, restorative act of self-love can renew our energy and purpose even in our darkest seasons. 

Re-kindle- 

One of the toughest things about stress is that it can cause us to turn inward and retreat from sources of social support and connection.  Stress can be isolating, but when we share our lives with others, we can remember that we are not alone in our struggles.  Rekindling a family relationship, a friendship, or a group membership can be a powerful way to manage our stress and feed our inner light. When we actively cultivate our sources of connection through affirming relationships, we can find a renewed sense of belonging, of community, and of support where we can both receive and give care and compassion.

Is it spring yet?  Not quite.  But we can choose to move forward through the weeks ahead believing that spring is coming- and living that belief out in our daily lives. 

“Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring.”

• Lilly Pulizer

Big & Little Book Feature: Separation Anxiety

Written by Lauren Rivers, MS, LPC

Introducing Big & Little Book Feature - A regular blog post that will discuss one type of disorder or issue, and the books I recommend for the big (parent, teacher) and the little (any child) in your life! I've personally read (or own) the books I will recommend here. I will note why I recommend these and include a photo of each. I will touch a little on the disorder or issue at hand and provide references at the bottom for you to learn more. Enjoy!

Big: Separation Anxiety in Children and Adolescents: An Individualized Approach to Assessment and Treatment by Andrew R. Eisen and Charles E. Schaefer 

Although this book is written clinically, it is done so assuming many parents, teachers, or others will be reading and implementing some of the strategies outside a clinical setting. It touches on cognitive-behavioral approaches and what a typical counseling session (intake assessment and follow up sessions) might look like. It includes case studies with real-life examples for relatability, allowing the parent or clinician to better visualize the issue. While it also includes case conceptualization and treatment planning for the use of a clinician, it doesn’t mean that these tools aren’t helpful at home. If you’re not in the position to access therapy at the moment, many of these tools and resources are reproducible in a safe home environment. Much of what scares young children is simply due to it being unknown or novel to them. Flipping through this book and gaining a better understanding of what separation anxiety is, and how best to label and describe it to your child, is a big step toward empowering your kiddo to learn about and stand up to this form of anxiety! 

 Little: The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

This book is adorable! It is a bestseller and has been recommended to therapists, teachers, and other professionals for such a long time, for a good reason. It compares the unshakeable bond of love between a child and caregiver to that of an invisible string that will always be there. It touches on the feelings of loneliness and even subtly describes the specific type of loneliness that comes with grief and loss. I recommend reading this to a child with separation anxiety every morning before school, and eventually going down to once a week and so on as the child gains confidence and understands the concept. Pairing this book with a tangible art activity that involves a string, or allowing the child to take their very own string to school in their pocket, is a fun way to begin equipping them for a new school year, a parent leaving for a work trip, the death of a loved one, or any type of separation.

Understanding Separation Anxiety

Understand the symptoms. One main symptom of separation anxiety disorder in children include a constant (and often irrational) fear that the worst will happen to the parent while they’re away. This is the beginning of a child thinking that if they are in the parent’s presence, nothing bad will happen. This is problematic because it can lead to the type of “magical thinking” that can cause OCD, a tendency or need to be in control of things, and a falsified categorization of when bad things will or won’t happen. It is important to remind the child that bad things can happen at any time, and there is often nothing we can do to control this except learning to cope and calm ourselves down in healthy ways. A few other symptoms are clinging to the parent or not allowing the parent to give attention or spend time with another child (such as a classmate, friend, or even sibling), a belief that a separation will last forever, refusing to go to school, or the child repeatedly reporting somatic symptoms before bedtime or school drop-off such as a tummy ache.

Practice empathy and observe your tone. When coping with a child with separation anxiety, it is important to be cautious with your tone. Making sure your tone is non-judgmental and empathetic is important because this validates the child’s very real fears. While you may know that nothing will permanently separate you from your child, their developing minds cannot grasp this as easily, especially when the emotion of fear is involved. If the child has felt separated from a caregiver before, they’ve likely experienced a very real fear that has caused their fight or flight system to respond. When the fight or flight system is enacted, the brain responds to the fear of separation with a survival mechanism of its choosing (ex: school refusal, clinging, crying, etc.). Their bodies are doing exactly what they’re designed to do: survive. 

Understand that this is a real fear for them and do your best to be patient with their unique way of coping with this fear. Remind them that no type of separation is a permanent one even in the case of death, (customize this conversation to your unique religious or spiritual beliefs, of course) because love, or an invisible string, will always keep you together.

*all books I share can be found on Amazon unless stated otherwise. 

REFERENCE

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separation-anxiety-and-separation-anxiety-disorder.htm

The Impact of Trauma on Adolescent Girls

Written by Lauren Rivers, MS, LPC

As empirical research on trauma becomes more widespread and readily available, we learn just how impactful a traumatic experience can be. These impacts are far-reaching and influence almost all aspects of an individual. But what happens when trauma meets adolescence, puberty, and the fast-paced social and emotional changes that come with this developmental stage? I’m going to share some of the different ways trauma affects adolescents, from an increased rate of self-harm and dissociation to unnecessary, insensitive labels, and the biology of the brain. 

“40% of sexual abuse survivors participate in self-injurious behavior, of one form or another” (Lev-Wiesel & Zohar, 2014; as cited in Suyemoto, 1998). Often, this self-injurious behavior involves a level of dissociation (Lev-Wiesel & Zohar, 2014). Peritraumatic and persistent dissociation are two types of dissociation associated with self-harm and trauma. Peritraumatic dissociation is the type of dissociation we typically see present itself as a sort of “protective barrier” during the traumatic or stressful event. The best way I've heard this described, by Dr. Frank Ochberg, is that it essentially you "giving your body up to protect your soul", "a form of natural anesthesia." Whereas, persistent dissociation is longer lasting and can generally make it more difficult for the individual to access (and therefore, resolve) the memories (Lev-Wiesel & Zohar, 2014).

This is concerning because this persistence often paves the way for continuous psychopathology and distress due to an inability to process it. Dissociation and self-injurious behaviors are just two symptoms, or behaviors, that can surface after trauma. We see the effects of trauma on a much deeper level, as well.

For adolescent females, in particular, the occurrence of mood-related disorders appears to increase after trauma (Malhi et al., 2019). During the “pre-teen” years, many adolescent females receive labels such as, “moody,” “difficult,” or even “bratty.” However, we know that this critical development period is when the brain is in one of its most malleable, or “plastic” states (Malhi et al., 2019). High plasticity in the brain means more susceptibility to change, growth, and formulation of new connections. While this is crucial for development, the brain is left rather vulnerable to harmful experiences - especially those involving stress and trauma (Malhi et al., 2019).

This harmful exposure often leads to symptoms associated with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and mood disorders. Our limbic system, the brain’s HQ for all things emotional (and memory and motivation) plays the VIP role concerning the development of mental health disorders after trauma (Malhi et al., 2019). Why? Because the limbic system houses our hippocampus, and our hippocampus is especially sensitive to trauma and distress (Malhi et al., 2019).

Interestingly enough, the type of trauma (emotional, physical or sexual abuse), the age of the individual when the trauma occurred, and the individual’s sex at birth all play a unique role in how the traumatic experience impacts the hippocampus (Malhi et al., 2019). Research by Infurna et al., 2016 & Mandelli et al., 2015 found that emotional abuse typically produces more harmful outcomes,than does sexual or physical abuse (Malhi et al., 2019; as cited in Infura et al., 2016; Mandelli et al., 2015).

Whenever I share some of this information with a client, they appear as shocked as I was when I first learned this stuff! Never, under any circumstances, underestimate or compare your abuse or trauma to others, even if you think it is smaller because "it was just emotional abuse", for example. 

Your trauma has impacted you and that is all that matters. It is valid. 

I hope this helps you understand a little bit more about how trauma impacts others, not just adolescents. Please keep in mind that a traumatic experience can strongly shape a persons development and growth, and unnecessary labels or added difficulties only continue to hinder their growth.

REFERENCES

Malhi, G.S., Das, P., Outhred, T., Irwin, L., Gessler, D., Bwabi, Z., Bryant, R., & Mannie, Z. (2019). The effects of childhood trauma on adolescent hippocampal subfields. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 53 (5). Retrieved from: https://journals-sagepub-com.proxy1.library.jhu.edu/doi/full/10.1177/0004867418824021

Lev-Wiesel, R., & Zohar, G. (2014). The Role of Dissociation in Self-Injurious Behavior among Female Adolescents Who Were Sexually Abused. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, Vol (23). Retrieved from: http://web.b.ebscohost.com.proxy1.library.jhu.edu/ehost/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=814d0090-db27-4190-8c68-d13776431b6c%40sessionmgr103&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl

Suyemoto, K. L. (1998). The functions of self mutilation. Clinical Psychology Review, 18(5), 531–554.