Written by Shannon Wise, MM, MS : Resident in Counseling
It’s that time of year again- back to school time. The slower pace of summer has been replaced by a flurry of activity as families shift into high gear again, returning to classrooms, homework, and after school activities. This time of year can feel especially challenging for those families navigating transitional shifts from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school, as well as families of seniors beginning the college application process. Life feels faster, fuller, and more stressful.
And overall stress, it seems, is at significant levels for many Fairfax and Loudoun county families.
In the high-pressure Northern Virginia (NoVA) area, a recent survey of more than 3,000 parents found that two NoVA zip codes were in the top 4-5% of the most stressed out in the U.S. Covering topics such as school pressures, commuting, work demands, screen-time battles and sleep deprivation, the study ranked stress levels in Ashburn and McLean at 29 and 32, respectively, out of 150 nationwide zip codes.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness also reports that one in four adults in Northern Virginia has active symptoms of a mental health disorder, and 1 in 7 NoVA youth aged 6-17 experience a mental health disorder each year. Clearly families are carrying a heavy stress load in our area.
But does it have to be that way?
One of the best pieces of advice I received from my therapist when I was raising three young children was “Put your oxygen mask on first.” I remember staring at her like she was crazy- thinking “are you nuts? I have to help them first! If I don’t, something awful will happen!”
But here’s the hard truth I had to learn: we can’t help our kids breathe if we can’t breathe ourselves. And we can’t breathe if we’re constantly in the stress zone, never pausing to come up for air.
Are you struggling to take a breath in this season? Does life feel too busy to take care of yourself? What if things could be different for you and your family this school year?
If you’re a parent struggling to find your oxygen mask and longing for some breathing room, here are four “what if” shifts that could make a big difference in reducing your family’s stress level- and yours as well:
What if we did one less thing?
Think back to the end of the last school year, or to last year’s fall season. Did your family rhythm feel manageable, or did the pace feel overwhelming? Is there something you could let go of in the weekly schedule this year to open up a little more breathing room? Maybe it’s the extra committee you’re tempted to serve on. Maybe it’s that extra activity you’re thinking about signing your child up for. Take a moment and ask yourself how it would feel to take something off the list. What would it feel like to have more space in the family schedule- space to pause, reset, and rest together?
What if we allowed more time before and after?
So many of us push snooze in the morning until we have to jump out of bed and start the day at breakneck speed. Or we launch ourselves and our children from one activity to the next with no transition time built in. This “go, go, go” rhythm can cause continued high levels of cortisol to be released, and while this “stress hormone” is helpful in managing short term pressures, long-term high stress levels can have negative impacts both physically and mentally. Allowing more transition time for shifting gears- from get-out-of-bed to get-out-the-door, or from get-out-of-school to get-to-the-next-thing allows space for emotional regulation, and time for family connection. What would it look like this year to build in extra time before school to ease into the day and extra recovery time after activities to rest, replenish energy, and reconnect?
What if we focused on the bigger picture?
Widening the lens of our perspective helps us zoom out and see what really matters- instead of getting lost in the daily grind. As you think about the school year ahead, ask yourself what feels most important to move towards overall- for you and for your family. Is there a broader value that could guide you as you prioritize your time, activities and commitments? Values like connection, service, and simplicity can serve as compass points as we sift through the dozens of options we have for filling our schedules in this high-stress area. And moving towards values is a powerful antidote to overcommitment- filtering out extra busyness and buying ourselves some breathing room in our daily rhythms.
What if we prioritized smaller moments?
While long vacations are a great way to reduce stress, life doesn’t have to be “all work and no play” when we’re home if we can slow down and cherish the everyday small moments that bring joy, rest, and renewal.
This is a two step process that involves first putting our devices down and stepping out of the fast lane of technology. (Warning: parents, this might be just as hard for you to do as for the kids to do…)
Step two involves stepping into the present moment-
Taking a few minutes to sit outside and feel the warmth of the sun or a gentle breeze.
Savoring the taste of something delicious.
Smelling the air after a storm or lighting a scented candle
Snuggling up with a soft blanket or cuddling with your child on the couch.
Looking up and watching the clouds roll by.
These are the small, unhurried and precious moments that help us recenter, take a breath, and be fully present in our lives- stepping out of stress’s urgency and into a more peaceful way of being with ourselves and others. And isn’t this the way we often feel when we’re on vacation- plugged into our loved ones and into the world around us?
When we allow ourselves the time to pause and enter into mindful, unplugged moments, we reduce our stress and reclaim our inner balance.
While stress is a necessary part of life in our area, it doesn’t have to rule our lives. “Our bodies are made to work in many situations, including stressful ones. But our bodies aren’t designed to withstand stress forever”. The good news is, we have a choice. We can try holding our breath, hoping to make it in the fast lane, or we can try putting on our oxygen masks first- taking breaths when we need them, and slowing things down intentionally. With small shifts in mindset, and the courage to do life a little differently, we can do more than just survive the school year ahead.
We can help our families thrive.
Are you a parent experiencing stress and feeling overwhelmed? A bi-weekly stress-management parent support group will be held virtually on Wednesdays beginning in October. Combining psychoeducation with experiential learning, the group will help build skills for resilience and wellbeing while fostering connection and authenticity.
Contact Shannon Wise at shannon@renewarttherapyandcounseling.com or fill out our interest form for more information.
References:
Dantzer, R. (2024, December 2). 4 things to know about cortisol and stress. MD Anderson Cancer Center. https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/4-things-to-know-about-cortisol-and-stress.h00-159703068.html
Francis, A. (2026, June 11). Parent Pressure: Where Parents Say Raising a Family Feels Hardest | AMFM Mental Health Treatment. AMFM Mental Health Treatment. https://amfmtreatment.com/blog/parent-pressure-where-parents-say-raising-a-family-feels-hardest/
Virginia, N. N. (2025, May 20). Falls Church NAMI Family Support Group for Parents of Young Adults (In-Person). NAMI Northern Virginia. https://nami-northernvirginia.org/resources/about-mental-illness/mental-health-numbers-nova/
Williams, D. (2026, July 7). Study Ranks Parents in 2 NoVA Zip Codes Among Most Stressed in the U.S. Northern Virginia Magazine.